Dear New Nigerian Mum And Dad BY …Kipazze Madaki

Dear New Nigerian Mum And Dad BY …Kipazze Madaki

Notice: This isn’t a religious post, just read on.
Over a week ago, we went down the river side to witness my sister get baptised. At 17, she is the last family member to be baptised; we made a big deal out of it, at least I know I did.
On getting there, there were kids of different ages, some appeared to have come directly from school still wearing their school uniform. What saddened me however was the fact that their parents were missing! Apart from my family, the pastor and a couple elders, there was just one other parent present. I couldn’t believe it. If you are a Christian, then you’ll know that being baptised is a big deal, I remember vividly even though it was over 10 years ago, that both parents were present at my baptism. Don’t even talk about being at work, because the baptism time was 4pm and it was over after 45 minutes max.

Now to my main point. This sudden disinterest parents exhibit towards their children, where did it come from? A child comes back from Sunday school/Islam-ia, and the parents do not care to know what they were taught? They come home from conventional schools and no one cares to know how school went? The school calls for a Parent – Teacher meeting and most parents are absent? After all, the absence fee is just a little nugget? They are being bullied in school and not a parent cares to stop by and have a word with their teachers?
Parents are so busy with their jobs, making money, hoarding and saving away which is good but what is the first rule of life? Remember who we are saving for, remember who we are surviving for!

Parents are so busy and eager, that the first person willing to take the children off from them gets them after the first request or even what seems like a request. A child mistakenly breaks their mother’s china and she asks who breaks it, the child decides to deny because then, either no one is punished or a general much subtle punishment is given to all, and so at a very tender age, we learn to be dishonest.

A child is molested by an adult and they are not comfortable to discuss it with any parent, because parents have unknowingly built a wall of opaque iron between them and their children.

So my dearest new Nigerian parent, to show love to a child does not mean to spoil them rotten, to be present on their first day of school, is to shape history and create lasting memories. To be there when they come home with a nasty bruise ~ on their heads, necks, legs or other odd parts of the body ~ inflicted by a teacher or a trusted guardian, will go a long way in boosting their self confidence. To attend PTA meetings and voice out to the school management, the same complain your child told you will make them feel that they have a voice: in you. To speak to them in calm tones and loving manner after they make an obvious mistake ~ like forget to shut the door of the fridge or break their mother’s china plate ~ can make them more careful and mindful next time than beating would. To be concerned about what they are taught in school and religious gatherings will make them feel like you care.
Because, remember that for their reason you awake every morning and life has a meaning because of them, let them know that you care.

When they complain, listen. When they fear, reassure ‘em, when they cry, hold them, when they fail, empathise with them and when they succeed, celebrate with them.

Because out of love they were made, let them see that love and more.
Be the parent your parents wanted to be but could not. Right your parents mistakes and don’t repeat it on your children.
Do not spoil but don’t be distant.