Dymistifying The Skewed Modern Day Feminism BY … Kay Lord

Dymistifying The Skewed Modern Day Feminism BY … Kay Lord

I grew up as a child in the 70s and 80s when Nigeria just came out of the civil war and was basking and swimming in the pool of petrol dollars. The economy was buoyant and as a salary earner that my parents were in the civil service, my Dad a Lecturer and Mum a primary school teacher, we never lacked the basic things of life. There were not many private schools, in fact I did not know of any at that time, yet the primary and secondary schools I attended boast of the best teachers and students from every part of Nigeria.

Hardly can you find a teacher without a car, both male and female. It might not be Mercedes which is the exclusive of the very rich, but you will see the likes of my parents with brand new Peugeot, Datsun and Volkswagen brands. While growing up, I always knew like a lot of my friends in other households that my Mum earned and had more money than my Dad. Not because she earned a bigger salary than my Dad, not at all, but because my Mum is forever doing one business or the other to earn more money. All of us, especially myself and my elder brother were always involved in all her businesses. That’s why till today, I can make chinchin, meat pie, egg roll etc. She always had a kiosk which was like a supermarket and I took turn with my elder brother after school to stay in the kiosk to attend to numerous of her customers.

Later, she added sales of Coca Cola and she had more than 100 wooden crates of those days. Coca Cola trucks comes fortnightly to deliver new consignment and myself and my brother will have to stack this crates in our corridor at home and bring it out whenever a customer comes around to buy. Later, my Mum bought a freezer, she would refregirate a crate of coke and pack in a cooler for me to go and hawk. I like that because it affords me the opportunity after I finished selling to go to the field and play football.

She further graduated to selling “ice kobikobi”. As I write this, I still remember how she would mix the colouring and sugar and with a cup fill the small nylon bag, tie it into a knot while I load them in the freezer to freeze. Of course I have to hawk them in a cooler later in the afternoon after school. I use to carry a bag of chinchin to school to sell and bring the money home. Up till now, at almost 75 years, my Mum has not stopped doing business. Presently, she built a shop joined to the fence of our home in Ado Ekiti where she sells household utensils from plastic bowls to pots etc. She still travels to Ibadan with her driver to buy goods to stock her shop. My Mum always had money! While my father might be broke, my mother was always liquid. All my father did was read, write and lectures and always traveling for one academic conference or the other.

Not once did my father ever stopped my Mum from engaging in any of her business ventures neither did my father felt threatened by my mother’s enterprise and money making ventures. My mother was a goal getter. She’s industrious, hardworking, independent and an indefatigable business woman and home maker. My father allowed her thrive and be all what she wanted to be. My Dad is a very meticulous man. Once his pay check comes, I will often see in his study an exercise book where he would write his monthly expenses. I will often see: Feeding, Fuel, school fees, savings etc. But I always knew that the amount he gives my Mum for feeding was often not enough for the whole household. At every meal, my mother serves averagely 22 plates and everybody was living in our home…uncles, aunties, cousins and relations. Yet, she augument the feeding allowance my father gave her and provide food for her household.

Later in the early 80s, my Mum and a lot of her friends decided to go back to school to do what they call then “Asoso” at the University of Ife. She said one must upgrade to remain relevant in the teaching profession. It was later I got to know that the course is called Associate Certificate in Education. She would be gone for like 2 months during the long vacation to study at the University of Ife. When she finished that course, later she went back again to start part time course to earn an NCE certificate even when she was already an Headmistress which is the pinnacle of her career as a Primary school teacher. She never wrested on her oars, forever aspiring to make herself better and her family much more better. In all these, my father was her support and shoulder. While she was away, he took charge. He never stopped her from acquiring more skill or more education. At a time, she bought a sewing machine and learnt tailoring.

You might ask why I am telling this story. It is to demystify the new age idea that women of my mother’s generation are cowards whose husbands locked them at home, give them pittance as allowance and never allowed them to be themselves. All what they talk about now is how they want to liberate women from the clutches of men who have kept them bind for a long time. That’s balderdash! Nobody is in any marital bondage looking for a messiah to set them free. Don’t demonise marriage. Women for centuries have been taking charge, building their homes and raising children while pursuing careers at the same time. To them, my Mum can’t fit into their model of feminism. What they have turned marriage into is competition instead of complementing and completing each other.

Listen to me, you did not start feminism. God created a woman whole and proud to be who she’s created to be. The Proverbs 31 woman is not a whimp locked at home as a trophy for her husband to gaze at. Maybe a lot of these modern day feminist don’t even read their bible. Let’s see what a real woman/wife is made off:

“A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. {trust & fidelity }

Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. {she’s not a termagant}

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. {An importer }

She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.{a home maker, land owner & farmer}

First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. {She works 9 to 5}

She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. {Charity work}

She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. {a real wife & fashionista}

Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. {her husband is respected because of her}

She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. {She’s into clothing business }

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. {She’s full of wisdom-not flippant}

She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. {hands on mother}

Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: many women have done wonderful things but you’ve outclassed them all.” {she’s honoured & respected by her husband & children}.

-Proverbs 31:10-29

I am sure you’ve all read the above… Right? Okay, tell me, does the woman in that passage look like someone under bondage whose husband is a tyrant? The proverbs 31 woman is a business woman, a land owner, a vineyard owner, a fashion designer, a merchant business woman, an entrepreneur whose activities gave recognition to her husband even amongst the elders of the city.

Stop teaching young women to go and be competing with their husbands. Just allow people to be themselves and thrive in whatever God has called them into. Man is not a demon looking for a woman to put under bondage. Stop demonising men!

Marriage is honourable. It’s to be enjoyed and not endured.