My Popsy’s Relative BY …Marline Oluchi

About 4years ago, there was this aunty who comes to our house in the village almost everyday.

The first time the siblings and I visited home and saw her, Popsy said she was one of our relatives.

A-ha, Popsy! We knew almost all our relatives living in the village na. After all, Popsy never missed the chance to show us off and introduce us to people.

We knew something was fishy, especially when she kept visiting every single day and she always came with gifts. We asked Popsy how she’s related to us and he yarned one kain story.

Now, being the first child who rarely visits home, people always tend to try to please me and treat me like this sophisticated something when I come home. I don’t know why they do that.

So, one of those days, aunty decided to impress me and make coconut rice for us. Normally, she had gotten so used to entering every room that she just barges in to the room to greet us whenever she comes. No knocking.

So, there I was, lying on the bed stark naked, with my bum and legs facing the door. I had bought tampons for the first time ever and decided to try inserting it to know how it works.

Well, I spread my legs wide open and had my hands down there when aunty just barged in????
Chai! You should’ve seen her face????
The way she ran out of the room to the sitting room to bid Popsy good bye Eh!

Popsy was like, “but you just got here”????
She said she had to rush to the market????

Later, we learnt that hanty thought I had spread my legs and was masturbating. That was the last time she barged in to our room like that????

Trust me, whenever I see her, I put on this large, knowing smile and greet her. You can see how uncomfortable she looks. She cannot even look me straight in the face till now ????

As for the coconut rice, aunty sliced whole coconut into big big chunks like meat and cooked the rice with vegetables in it????

The moment we opened the big flask, we laughed our arsses off. This was a dish of love. We forced Popsy to eat the food his girlfriend cooked. We blackmailed him emotionally until he ate it????

After that day, whenever we hear her knock on the front door, Popsy will run out through the back door and tell us to tell her he went out.

“Where are you going to? Why are you running away from your ‘Relative?” We would ask as he disappeared.

After a while shaa, madam got the gist. I learnt she no longer comes around, but whenever I call, I still ask Popsy of his relative.

He’ll be like, “Which relative?”