On Planning Before Marriage BY …Kyke Davies
She is educated, a brilliant lawyer married with kids to a very smart, intelligent well to do man. In Nigeria dictionary she’s happily married. But happiness is relative after all.
Almost 3 years ago, she bade her final goodbye to Nigeria. She’s not going to come back. When I heard the news I was quite disappointed in her. How could she abandoned her home? How could she take the children away from their father without his consent ? How could she walk away from her husband at the peak of his career? Who does that? I was angry with her. I sympathized with the husband more. He’s in his 50’s , executive in a corporate organization. How is he going to cope?
She eventually called us to intervene and appeal to the man to be supporting them in US. I told her bluntly that she decided to move into a country without documents and expect the man to be supporting you in the period of crazy foreign exchange? That she must be out of her mind. She either come back to Nigerian or live with the consequence of her actions. The suffering became unbearable and as a responsible person, the husband went to visit them only to find out she was living in a slum area of the city.
He changed their accommodation and decided to support her because of the children regardless of her stupidity. There was back and forth argument but the lady is firm in her decision she had decided to stay in America. I was amazed! I asked if she wanted a divorce and she said nope , the husband could still be coming to US to marry her there . Wow ! I wanted to know if there was violence and abuse in their relationship but she said nothing like that. So I couldn’t understand the situation and I gave up on the couple.
Over the last weekend we went to visit the husband. On getting to the house, there was about 4 choice cars and SUV with special plate number parked in the compound . The interior of the house was Versace theme. Luxurious and exquisite! I was quite impressed with the setting. Considering that I am very cheap with the interior decor of my house. No be to just sit down and watch TV then press phone? Abeg!
The man started telling us how lonely it has been for him, how it’s been a serious challenge supporting the family abroad because of foreign exchange. How his savings had been depleted because of that . Then he mentioned something very important. He said to be fair to the wife she had always nurse the ambition to live in the US. That the two times she went to have a baby there, he had to practically lure her to be back in Nigeria.
She had this inordinate ambition since age 10 and nothing was going to stop her. Uncle was aware of it and thought with the nice house, cars and spoiling her with designer wears she would adjust. Towards the very end of her stay in Nigeria he told us that she became unapproachable, she nags, fight him and create scenes in their estate. The moment her visa was renewed, she quietly planned her exit .
There is always two sides to a coin. Single narrative is never the way to go in settling rift between two individuals especially couples.
You cannot not buy a parrot and provide all other luxury and not provide swing. Swing to a parrot is a necessity! Swing is a parrot’s luxury. It cannot be replaced with other stuff you think it is befitting of the parrot.
I blame both of them equally. Madam knows uncle had a very good job in Nigeria and would want to remain and live in here. But she went ahead and accept the marriage proposal to secure herself . Uncle on the other hand knew madam likes abroad. She would rather die than not live there , but he was blinded by his own desire and think he can lure her to stay . “Awon ara won lo ri ara won “ I wish them all the best.
To you presently single, please take time to discuss your future plans before going into marriage. Talk about it, work towards and understand your limits. Not everyone wants to live “in the abroad “
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