[STORY]:- Some Plan To Save Me By; May Joseph Ndubueze

I am standing in front of the bedroom mirror.

Around my eyes are swollen dark bags. I have not been sleeping.

Two weeks have crawled by since that day, yet it seems just like yesterday when his grotesque face hovered over mine.

I have not been sleeping, no. And it is because each time I close my eyes, I see his big black hands firmly clasped over my mouth. Expertly shutting my cry for help.

That evening, he had been cordial. As cool as they come. A gentleman to the ladies, buddy to the guys.

When my friend had invited me to this party at a Co worker’s place, I didn’t want to go. But it had been work, work, work, for me, and my marriage was at a bad place.
Socially, my life had plunged so bad that I said to myself, ‘a little fun don’t hurt nobody. ‘

At the party, I was happy I came. The host, though some ugly dude, seemed a nice person.

Every guy had a date. So aside a couple of introductions and suggestive glances, I sat with my friend, and we both hit the drinks back non stop.

Loud music.

Dance.

Laughter.

I was glad I made it.

By the time the thirty two track mix tape had repeated three times, we all were tired and out of breath.

The party was over.

But the night was just beginning.

‘There’s another party on the other side of town’, my friend Makayla said to me. ‘Let’s go’.

I had had my fill of fun for a night. I was tired. ‘No babe’ I said, ‘I’ll just go home. I’m exhausted. It was so intense. Thanks a lot.’

My friend frowned.

It was a tricky situation because I came in her car.

Then I asked to use the bathroom.

I took three minutes.

By the time I was out, everyone was gone except the host. For it was his place after all.

‘Hey Derek! Have you seen Makayla?’

‘Oh! She’s gone. She left with the others. Uhm, She said I should aologize to you’.

‘Why’d she do that! We came together. It’s late. How do I get home now!’.

‘Ah yeah. I already called you an Uber. Just relax. It’d be here any minute now’, he said.

The concern in his voice was convincing. And I believed it.

I made myself comfortable, and had been waiting just two minutes when I saw him come.

He crossed the room in quick long strides.

He was sitting on me in no time. He pushed my shirt and bra up so that my arms were tangled in them, then he dragged me to the bed.

It was happening so fast.

I let out the first piercing scream, but he hit me hard I felt dizzy.

He was smiling. But a smile on a face that ugly, turned it into a beast’s.

Then he got back on top of me. One hand smothering my cries, the other pulling off my pants and his.

I hadn’t had sex in months since my husband moved out, and I didn’t want him. So the pain was terrible when he forced his huge and crooked self in, and and made heavy thrusts that made me bleed.

I had thought life couldn’t get worse than it was for me.
Abused physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually for years by my first husband, the first man I gave myself to, I had began womanhood broken.

And though I got a divorce and custody of our son, my life was destroyed for speaking out.

And now at a time when I’m trying to fix my life and my marriage, when I’m finally starting to be strong, when I’m trying to let go of yesterday’s hurt,

life throws this huge brick squarely at my face.

I don’t trust anyone enough to report him. Not even my husband. I feel so ashamed.

I should go to the hospital to check why I can’t hold my pee anymore, but I can’t. I already hurt. I don’t want to have to go through them examining me, and touching me, and digging, and probing.

My friend says life is negative by default. Looking at me now, I can’t help but think I’m a negative magnet.

Everyday as I stand here, my mind dines with the thought of taking out all the pills in the medicine basket, swallow them all, and end it all.

But if ever I had the courage, I would have done it twenty years ago when it all began.

But then, it is only a matter of time.

I will be late for work today.
I have to take a bath, dress smart, cover my sleep deprived look with make up, wear a beautiful cologne and smile, and appear perfect to the world, while my insides have the stench of a rotting corpse.

I hope I find a way out of this. I hope there’s some plan to save me. Because if things continue down this lane, it is indeed only a matter of time.

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